I feel like an outsider. I feel like i dont belong anywhere, with anyone. I feel as if my own husband cant even stand me. I have no friends, except on internet one who is the equivilant of typing in this blog only she responds. I feel as if no one really wants anything to do with me. Im too broken, too damaged, too much to deal with. I feel as if i am no one, with no where to go and nothing to do. Why do i even exist? so i can raise rotten kids. so my kids can hate me and the world can hate them? I am no one. I am nothing. I have nothing .I am just this fat blob that no one really gives a shit about unless they need a punching bag. literal or verbal. I am hurt, i am scared, i am terrified. I dont konw what to do? i want friends. i want family i want to be loved by my husband in such a way that he is proud of me. I want my husband to be able to pay the bills. and i wish i could help. i wish i could trust him and myself that if i get a job. he wont be looking for the someone who isnt too busy. i am scared he'll cheat again. im scared that he is already. Im scared that one day. i just wont be anything at all. not even the shread of loly existance i am now. I am scared that no one will even notice im gone. just like they dont even notice me now...